Delivery Fight Club

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“Delivery Fight Club”

Now as I prepare for the birth of the twins, I find myself thinking back to the delivery of my first child, S Dot.

Before delivering my son, I asked every mother I knew, “How does child birth feel?”… and the clearest answer I received was, “imagine your worst menstrual cramps and multiply times 100”. Let’s just say that did not nearly detail what I felt. But my girlfriend/hair stylist (who has an 11 and 13 year old) told me a woman is not suppose to tell a new mother what delivering a child feels like, as to avoid scaring her. I guess it’s like the first rule of Fight Club. There is no Fight Club.

Well, since MOD is all about sharing, I would like to note a few personal tips. And, if you would like to share anything you have learned in your experience of delivering or watching someone deliver children, feel free to comment.

“…after birth on my Husband’s new sombas”

  1. Don’t prolong the pain of contractions by staying in the bed. Get Up and Walk! And, when you don’t feel like walking or you think you can’t…Walk Some More!
  2. Prepare a bag of snacks for whoever is going to be in the delivery room with you. You may be in for a long stretch and things can turn on the dime, so there is no time for people to run back and forth to the hospital cafeteria. A guy friend of mine gave me this tip a week before having S Dot. It was beyond helpful.
  3. Having a mirror is cool. I had one, but I didn’t look at it because I was to busy pushing an awkwardly shaped gooey bowling ball out of my very small vagina. I didn’t need that reflected back at me.
  4. It’s a great idea for your birthing partner to wear tennis shoes, but not a good idea for them to wear NEW tennis shoes. My husband is still complaining about “after birth” spilling on his new Adidas Sombas. PS. That same guy friend from #2 gave me this advice. His children are now 11 and 17, so as you can see, there must be some things men never forget.

SPOILER ALERT (Do not read any further if you are the type to over think, or make things worse than they are.)

I see you’re going to read anyway.  We are so alike.

This is what “discomfort” looks like.

Please Remember to Breathe! It sounds simple but if you think about it… what is the first thing that happens to you when your body is hit with pain? Your body tightens. You focus so much on the source of the pain that your breathing becomes shallow.

Body: What in God’s name was that?

Breathing: I don’t know, but I’m not going anywhere until we find out what the hell is going on and how do we make it stop!

I’m serious— concentrate on your breathing, not on the pain. WAIT! I’m not talking about that theatrical “He He He Whoo! He He He Whoo!”, save that for the silver screen.  When I say breathe, I mean those deep yoga breathes. Scoff if you may! I swear when I was hit with a contraction I would actually take a deep breath as I pushed out my stomach and as I exhaled I brought my stomach in. Realistically, you have a baby inside of you, so you haven’t been able to voluntarily hold in your stomach for months, but whatever little “in” and “out” movements you can visualize your stomach doing will help.

“Love is a burning thing/ And it makes a fiery ring/ Bound by wild desire/ I fell into a ring of fire”.

Here is my last little tidbit; as I mentioned in one of my earlier post, Natural Birth–How “Dare” I?!, I was in labor with no epidural for 16 hours. And, do you know who I was thinking about during my last two pushes? Johnny Cash. Yeah, you heard me. I was thinking about the singing outlaw.  When it was time to push out S Dot, my body was ready, I was so sick of dealing with the pain of the contractions, my body welcomed the urge to push, it was like finding water in the desert.  As a matter of fact, the doctor’s tried to stop me from pushing because they questioned whether it was really time.  I made it crystal clear, I am not telling you that I THINK I have to push, I am telling you I AM PUSHING!

I know this may sound crazy but pushing did not hurt.  It just required a lot of effort, and because I was so happy to not feel those horrible, tongue trembling, mouth quivering contractions, I was more than willing to give all the effort I had to push. Just when I thought I was in the home stretch, I pushed down hard and my son’s head started to peak/crown, but out of nowhere I felt a searing/blistering pain (in my nether regions).

A week after delivery (we made it and we’re still in one piece)!

If I had to describe it, I would compare it to what I’ve always imagined Harry Potter’s scar feels like when Voldermort is close. If that reference meant absolutely nothing to you, let’s just say it hurt like hell and I stopped pushing.  My doctor looked me in the eyes and said, “What you are feel is the Ring of Fire, but if you can just push through it, I promise it will be over in a second.” Pardon Me? You want me to push through a Ring of Fire!?!

I always knew Johnny Cash was trying to tell me something , “Love is a burning thing/ And it makes a fiery ring/ Bound by wild desire/ I fell into a ring of fire”. What? Am I the only person who’s familiar with that song?

Because I had sampled the pain that would soon greet me when I bared down, I  wasn’t eager to give that final push. Time stood still. I went silent. I ignored everyone in the room and began reasoning with myself. I knew the longer I sat, all the effort I made to push my son this far down would be for nothing. And, if I couldn’t get S Dot out, I would have to have a c-section which I was trying desperately to avoid.  So, I closed my eyes, and I swear I saw Jesus. My hand on the bible! People often laugh when I say this, and ask “What did Jesus look like?” I say it was more of a feeling. I was surrounded by darkness and then stars appeared. Next, there was a guttural scream–which I’m pretty sure was me and not Jesus. After two pushes our son was here.

My diary entry is this, “In childbirth, as it is in life, sometimes you have to push through the pain.”


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