Why Am I Doing Math?

People we need to quit it with the “baby months”. After your child hits the age of 1 years old it is my opinion that we should only account for the individual months when necessary. Some people take it too far! Why do I have to do math in order to figure out how old your kid is?

Me: Oh, he’s so cute. How old is he?

Her: He’s 22 months in one week.

Me: Huh?!?

Honestly, just say he’s almost 2 years old so I can go on about life. Now, I’m standing in front of a mother I barely know doing long division. Call me rude, but I don’t care enough about your child to do arithmetic.

Then, you have the parents that try to use the “months” system as an advantage. My husband and I were in the park and a little girl roughly the same size as our son Shawn walks past playing with her toy. Of course now my 1 year old is focused on what she is holding in her hands. He walks over and the little girl’s mother turns to her daughter and says, “Honey, are you going to share your toy with the little boy”. Her daughter responds very eloquently, “No!”. I was shocked, not because she didn’t want to share…what child really wants to share? I was shocked by how clearly she spoke and understood the question. I asked her parents, “Wow! How old is your daughter?” The father responds, “She’s 1 years old”. My heart sank. My son is 1 years old and the only word he uses with full understanding is “huh?”

I felt dizzy, seconds felt like hours as I began second guessing my parenting skills, “Why wasn’t my son speaking as well as this one year old girl.” Next thing you know, the mother leans over the father and says, “Well, she’s actually 20 months”. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?! After hearing this I could have honestly slapped the child’s father. There is a big ass difference between a 1 year old and a damn near 2 year old child (excuse my French but I was HOT!). The father was trying to pull the old okie-doke; having me to believe his child is some kind of prodigy while mine is an ogre who uses random grunts, babbles and screams to communicate himself.

All I’m saying is let’s use months within reason. After your child reaches 1 years old feel free to round up or note halves—but, anything further should result in a calculator across the head. Seriously, have you ever heard a person say “WooHoo!!! It’s my 384 month birthday!!” No, you know why? Because that person would be considered a douche. Parents don’t be a douche!

My Diary entry is this, “Don’t try to pull the old okie-doke on me and my baby!”