Why Am I Doing Math?

Posted by in Diary | 5 comments

People we need to quit it with the “baby months”. After your child hits the age of 1 years old it is my opinion that we should only account for the individual months when necessary. Some people take it too far! Why do I have to do math in order to figure out how old your kid is?

Me: Oh, he’s so cute. How old is he?

Her: He’s 22 months in one week.

Me: Huh?!?

Honestly, just say he’s almost 2 years old so I can go on about life. Now, I’m standing in front of a mother I barely know doing long division. Call me rude, but I don’t care enough about your child to do arithmetic.

Then, you have the parents that try to use the “months” system as an advantage. My husband and I were in the park and a little girl roughly the same size as our son Shawn walks past playing with her toy. Of course now my 1 year old is focused on what she is holding in her hands. He walks over and the little girl’s mother turns to her daughter and says, “Honey, are you going to share your toy with the little boy”. Her daughter responds very eloquently, “No!”. I was shocked, not because she didn’t want to share…what child really wants to share? I was shocked by how clearly she spoke and understood the question. I asked her parents, “Wow! How old is your daughter?” The father responds, “She’s 1 years old”. My heart sank. My son is 1 years old and the only word he uses with full understanding is “huh?”

Copyright MOD. Do not download without permission.I felt dizzy, seconds felt like hours as I began second guessing my parenting skills, “Why wasn’t my son speaking as well as this one year old girl.” Next thing you know, the mother leans over the father and says, “Well, she’s actually 20 months”. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?! After hearing this I could have honestly slapped the child’s father. There is a big ass difference between a 1 year old and a damn near 2 year old child (excuse my French but I was HOT!). The father was trying to pull the old okie-doke; having me to believe his child is some kind of prodigy while mine is an ogre who uses random grunts, babbles and screams to communicate himself.

All I’m saying is let’s use months within reason. After your child reaches 1 years old feel free to round up or note halves—but, anything further should result in a calculator across the head. Seriously, have you ever heard a person say “WooHoo!!! It’s my 384 month birthday!!” No, you know why? Because that person would be considered a douche. Parents don’t be a douche!

My Diary entry is this, “Don’t try to pull the old okie-doke on me and my baby!”


  1. I just went through this the other day. Someone told me their kid was 14 weeks. So I’m quickly doing the math. Luckily it was a low number. With my oldest I was a week/month parent. With the second I’m all let me think a few moments, and then I answer “Oh he is almost 5 months.” Yes, I was counting in my head when I had him. I’m so horrible.

  2. This was hilarious!! I want to say LOL but that cheapens it because we over use it even when we don’t LOL but I really did LOL hard! I am one of the months parents but I have transitioned to saying almost 2. I totally agree with you. Please don’t say your kid is 1 when you know tomorrow they are turning 2. And in my head I consider my son so far from 1 that when someone asked was my son one I became indignant like why would they think my son was only 1…then I remember he is one but he’s not a 12 month one! LOL. I hate when parents act like they don’t know the difference. This post was PERFECT!

  3. I’ve always felt this way, cut it out with the number of months. Save those for the doctors visits.

  4. This is hilarious, girl & oh so true! Once they hit one, please stop saying months. I concur!! 🙂 I needed this laugh. Thank you.

    • Emelda, there are some things that just bug me, and this is definitely one of them. Thank you for laughing with me. Keep coming back.

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