I’m Tired of Being Pregnant

Posted by in Diary | 4 comments

My first pregnancy with S Dot could be considered a sweet dream compared to the experience I am having with twins.

Sometimes I blame my attitude. Not a day goes by that I don’t question, “How the hell am I going to raise three boys?” I know, I know…this is a blessing. I should be happy, right? Well you tell that to my swollen hands, face, feet, ankles and legs. I look like a drowning victim. 59b7359ef1af7b215195e862aeda4242Tell that to the very active 5.5+ pound boys weighing down on my pelvis  with so much pressure it feels as if someone dropped kicked me in the vagina. Tell that to the sciatic nerve pain in my lower back that buckles my knees and makes me curse the Gods whenever I walk, sit, roll over, bend down, stand-up and basically do anything that would classify me as a functioning human being. Tell that to the pockets of tender varicose veins on my legs, which my two year old son lovingly refers to as “MiMi’s Boo Boo’s”.  Tell that to the heartburn. My God, the heartburn…the searing feeling in your upper chest as the acidic salty-taste of spit fills the back of your throat.  Tell that to the vomit. My apologies, “regurgitation”. Hell, no matter what you call it, it’s disgusting. It’s unnatural to knell on the floor with your face in the same area people rest their butts to pee and poop.  People assume that because you are eating for three people you have a huge appetite. Seriously?!?! I have two baby boys crammed into my belly, there’s no space for my stomach. There’s no room for a big meal. And when you have constant heartburn, “fuhgeddaboudit”? As soon as the food goes down, it comes right back-up. Yeah, you think I should be happy, tell that to the hemorrhoids (need I go on???). Tell that to my racing heart which (out of no where) will randomly pound like a thorough-bred race horse, leaving me with shortness of breath, dizziness and seeing spots. All I can say is, “I’m coming to join you Elizabeth!”

Oh, and let’s not forget the emotional toll. Not to say I wasn’t a sensitive human-being before, but now I can go from 0 to 60 in seconds. My irritability threshold gets lower and lower every day. I work so hard to hold back tears that I feel the levees will break at any moment.

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30 weeks pregnant

And my triggers are simple–take for example my son, I can’t be the mommy I use to be for him. Yes, S Dot may sit for a few minutes to listen to me read him a story, but he is a vibrant and energetic little boy. He wants to be chased around the room and wrestled to the ground. Mommy can’t do that! Mommy is too sore and too tired. It kills me to know that these are my last few moments with me and my first born child, and I am not able to do everything that I want with him.

When I found out I was pregnant with our second child I was ecstatic. I wanted S Dot to have a partner and because I knew what to expect from pregnancy I was looking forward to enjoying the experience more this time around…but having twins was a shock and an adjustment I still have not quite accepted. Honestly, if I had to do it over again, I am not confident of my answer.

My diary entry is this, “Don’t ask me how I’m doing unless you know how to play the violin.”

 

 

 

 

4 Comments

  1. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. I became pregnant with a set of twins when my daughter was 9 years old. Yes 9 years old. I had almost everything that you’re having right now. It was so uncomfortable. I didnt know what I was going to do with two babies after not having a baby to care for in 9 years.

    BUT…it gets better. My twins are now 6 years old. It was actually easier caring for them as infants versus caring for my oldest daughter. We put our twins in the same bed, we swaddled them in the same blanket and we kept them on the same schedule. They would comfort each other by holding hands, suckling on the others fist or foot or huddling together while they slept.

    So hold on. It’ll get better once you get your body back.

    Congratulations.

    • Thank you Mesha. If there is one thing I appreciate now more than ever it is “positive reinforcement”. Knowing that you speak from first hand experience is very encouraging. Thank you and stay tuned.

  2. Awe twins. Girl you know I had twins. Pregnancy was fine for me and I carried to almost 37 weeks so you will make it and be calm. I had a 2 year old also while pregnant so I understand. Don’t get frustrated just think of the memories you are creating now

    • From your lips to God’s ears :-). Thank you Candice!!

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