Can’t A Woman Have Boundaries?

Posted by in Diary | 2 comments

I just got off the phone with a friend of mine who has a knack for pointing out flaws I never knew I had (what can I say, she’s a gem). I was sharing with her my recent argument about people not respecting my need for space and time. Towards the end of my tirade I said, “…I mean, it’s not that I’m stand offish, I just have boundaries.”

Her: But, you are stand offish!

Me: What?! No, I’m not.

Her: What do you think “boundaries” mean? <insert sarcasm> “A person who wants to stand with others”?

Me: <silence> <deep breathe>

Her: Don’t be offended. I respect it.

I was taken aback. I never looked at myself that way. But, now with the expectation of multiples, I have had to take a cold hard look at myself.

boundariesDo you know what scares me most about having twins? It’s not the delivery. It’s not the breastfeeding. It’s the people who want to help. The expectation of opening up my doors (and myself) to people.

Crazy, right? Well, to understand my statement, you have to understand me. If I have not been allowed the space and time to firmly understand what I’m dealing with, it is difficult for me to tell you how to help me. And, if I don’t feel you respect the way I prefer things handled,  I’d rather take the time I have to simply do it myself.

By now you probably think I’m a real nut now. But, hear me out.

I was raised around “some people” who only gave in order to get. And, they had no concept of personal space and boundaries. They forced their way into people’s lives. They kept a tally of the favors given, and they were always looking for their opportunity to cash in. They would be there in your most vulnerable time, but later bring it up with the intention to embarrass and hurt you. It’s was like the mafia, you never wanted to be indebted.

Believe me, if you’re around that long enough you can become jaded and psychotically self-sufficient. Your boundaries become your protection–and a violation is taken as pure disrespect. So you draw lines in the sand.

  • I don’t allow S Dot to drink from other people’s cup. And, I don’t like it when people offer their cup to him. Boundaries.
  • My husband and I have established a schedule/rules/order that work for our household and we don’t appreciate it being challenged or belittled. Boundaries.
  • I don’t like people touching my hair without asking. Boundaries.
  • I ask guests to remove their shoes before entering my home. You have a problem with that, don’t come over. Boundaries.boundaries-2
  • I am not comfortable with my two year old son driving with anyone but me and his father, unless ABSOLUTELY necessary. Boundaries.
  • I don’t like to talk about money. Boundaries.
  • I am open to suggestions, but don’t TELL ME how to raise my child. Boundaries.
  • I don’t allow just anyone to hold my son. Boundaries.
  • I don’t like unexpected guests. Don’t show up at our home without an invitation. You don’t know what we have going on. Boundaries.
  • My son has a schedule and I don’t like it altered. Boundaries.
  • I think it is rude to over stay your welcome. Boundaries.

I have a few others and I’m sure the list will get longer as my children grow.

I can see your face. You think I’m crazy. But, as I get older I’m beginning to realize that as a person, a woman and a mother, I will not always be understood, but if you say you love me, you’ll accept my boundaries.

My diary entry is, “You don’t have to like it, but you do have to respect it.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 Comments

  1. I don’t think any of your boundaries are unreasonable. Most of seems to be basic manners and etiquette. The majority of people are too familiar with strangers nowadays.

    • That is an eloquent way of putting it, “people are too familiar with strangers nowadays”. I honestly believe it is due to a lack of home training– know your place and respect my space! Ooh, I think I am going to make that a t-shirt. Jenatude please keeping visiting you fuel my creativity :-).

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *